But I would not believe it

Do you understand me?

...

Do you think you understand me?

... Before I answer, tell me what has motivated you to pose these questions.

Are your answers dependent on what I have in mind? They shouldn't be.

I disagree on that one. What if a good friend asks you, "Do you think I'm hopeless?"

Not much can be more pathetic than a question like that! You shouldn't mingle with such people.

Well, I tend to think that you are one of them.

That's... an offense, an insult, an act of derision, of insolence, it's a, it's a... I would never, ever say such a thing!

If so, you shouldn't react like that, you know...

I am deeply disappointed that, after all this time, you have not realized that I am a person full of, or rather overflowing with, pride. So much so that it gets in my way.

I answered your two questions, it seems.

You have demonstrated that you do not understand me, but you may still think that you do.

It looks like I have to put it bluntly. I don't think anyone understands you, and I don't think anyone thinks s/he understands you.

I wish what you said were true.

You don't want to be understood?

The brutal fact is that nobody understands anyone, including her/himself, completely.

If we can only incompletely understand each other and if we admit it, why are we here?

To differentiate what we understand from what we do not, and to strive for greater understanding.

Doesn't it mean that we should aim for complete understanding when we know it is unattainable? It sounds useless, pointless, meaningless, futile, unrewarding, stupid...

Without efforts to reach a goal, we will slip further away from that most desirable state. It is true for almost all human conditions: as an individual, the states of body and mind, and as a member of a group/community, the states of interactions and contributions.

After one day of no dancing practice, the effects are noticeable only to the dancer her/himself. After three days, her/his fellow dancers see it, and after a week the audience. Something like that?

Yes, although the ultimate purpose of practicing is to dance perfectly, if s/he does not practice, s/he would not even be able to maintain the imperfect, and yet the highest, level that has been reached.

Isn't it also true that when s/he thinks s/he is perfect, there is no more room for improvement and it is time to retire?

For the professionals in competitive sports, the equivalent would be when they no longer feel the irrepressible urge to win.

Can't we say, then, that we'd better retire from this business named life when we stop thinking about improving ourselves as human beings?

Have you noticed that there are so many of what we could call deadwood around us?

I am concerned that increasingly more people turn into deadwood as we age.

Nothing is more boring, annoying and damaging than people who think they understand when they do not, or they have understood enough when they have not. "Croyez ceux qui cherchent la vérité, doutez de ceux qui la trouvent," you remember?

"Believe the ones who are in search of the truth, and doubt those who find it." André Gide, I think.

One of the biggest problems for me is that I cannot tell them that they do not understand.

Saying so requires the assumption that you understand that they do not understand.

To hint at it is not only against my taste, but also counterproductive. If they are to be convinced of the necessity of further understanding, they need to reach that conclusion by themselves.

I know that you also abhor the arrogance behind the thoughts that s/he understands well.

All of us have moments with that idea, but it is something that should be kept to ourselves. Socrates went further and genuinely believed that he did not know anything.

"I know that I know nothing." That one, right? But doesn't that clash with your dictum that attractive persons are self-confident?

Self-confidence comes in various shades. I'd say many are of false kinds. They make us act self-confidently, chiefly because we are supposed to; they degenerate into aggression, overreaction at the slightest evidence against our worth, and lack of grace. Truly self-confident people do not intimidate others, readily admit their lack of information and mistakes, and all that without letting others and her/himself lose faith in her/him.

When you asked me if I understood you, should I have said that I do not understand you entirely, but I'm trying my best to understand better?

What matters more is actions, and people can act contradictorily to their own words, as we know too well.

You shouldn't take words too lightly, though. What if someone says you are an idiot, but s/he trusts you with tasks that s/he wouldn't to others?

My interpretation would be that almost everyone is an idiot in her/his world and I happen to be the least idiotic.

But you remain hurt and/or offended by being called an idiot.

Not after I am convinced that idiots alone inhabit in her/his world.

What if you are in love with someone, and that person says s/he doesn't understand you?

I value honesty above all.

Really?

Okay, let's say honesty with diplomacy. Anyway, I would be highly suspicious of someone who says everything about me is great.

How so?

Anyone of that opinion has a small brain or a long agenda.

Does it mean that only the weak-minded and the wicked-minded would be in love with you?

We should stay away from discussing romantic relationships for now. That is altogether a different territory where logic breaks down more than often. By the way, you shouldn't confuse "I don't agree with you" and "I don't understand you."

You are right, the second one is much more about the person as a whole. We say the first phrase more often and casually. Isn't it true, though, that the ones who make passes at you look like they would score very low on an IQ test?

I think that is why they make passes at anyone, including me. You may think that any gesture to show interest is a compliment to the target, but I can tell you that it can get very depressing, sometimes repelling.

I remember your getting angry, not depressed.

I want to be left alone sometimes, because people do not understand me, and what is worse is that they do not acknowledge that they do not understand. I have no desire to explain why they do not understand, or why I am not like them, because if I do, I would end up offending them.

We all want others to try to understand us. Otherwise, we would feel that nobody cares about us, or worse, that nobody acknowledges our presence.

I am always ready to give basic respect to everyone. I also demand that in return. As for certain people, I would take it as an insult if they think they understand me.

It's more than the people who make passes at you, I presume.

The curious thing is that if I enjoy, rather than be bothered by, the label, 'weird,' people who masterminded it change their thoughts.

They start thinking that there must be something good about the way you are?

I never intended to make use of psychology for such a purpose, but in effect, I have.

Don't worry, it hasn't worked on me.

"I wish someone could tell me who I am. But I know that I would not believe it." Do you happen to remember who said it?

Hmmm... it doesn't ring a bell. Is it... yours?

I would never pull your leg like that.

I'm trying my best to understand...

Consciousness is required for the job

There you are!

I'm not late, am I?

No, you're not. But, it seems like we have settled into this pattern of meeting every other week. I thought it was supposed to be every week.

I would like to make it that often, but things are a bit hectic right now.

Isn't that your excuse when you don't have anything to complain about? It seems like only when you do, you call a meeting to give me an earful.

I am shocked to hear that you think our talks are like that! I thought we were aiming for truly meaningful conversations like Plato's.

You mean, Symposium, the Republic, etc.?

Of course.

Let's say we can't stop anyone from aiming high. Think also about the psychological suffering that your statement may give to the admirers of Plato. Remember when we got comments from random people because of our chat about oxygen masks?

Talking about goals and such, I think role models are important in our lives.

Isn't it interesting that we can take advantage of our innate behavior to ape others?

We unconsciously mimic the ones around us. We also do to others what others did to us, again without any explicit plan to replicate.

That's why many who are molested as children grow up to become child molesters.

In general, any kind of abuse of the younger tends to be passed on from generation to generation. The role models are different from such cases, because we consciously decide that we want to be like them. In other words, you are supplementing your biological urge to imitate with recognition that you want to make use of it, but in a selective manner.

Most people cannot vision an ideal person from the abstract, and thus, are need of more concrete examples?

For most, there is a big gap between understanding in theory and applying that theory to real-life situations.

That includes you, I suppose?

It is true that sometimes I do not have a satisfactory solution as to how to behave in certain situations for a long time. I keep on observing until I encounter a good one. In that sense, the answer is yes. But I also learn from what I don't like about people. In many such cases, I only have to adopt a strategy that is opposite of what I see.

Doesn't it help to be exposed to people from different cultures?

Some cultures handle certain difficult situations so well, whereas other cultures do not; it is better to have contact with as many cultures as possible. The problem is that when I am in Lilliput, I become exasperated by what I see as undesirable behavior and would never be witnessed in Laputa. While I am in Laputa, I get incensed by what I think is undesirable behavior and would never be seen in Lilliput.

It gives you more exposure to both good and bad ways.

People with such background often become some kind of a chameleon as a result.

Did you ever have a role model?

No, I shun anything that has a hint of personal cult. I like copying bits and pieces from all over the place.

It fits your self-description as a chameleon. Do you prefer yourself that way?

Naturally. It comes with a stamp of approval from Blaise Pascal! "Le centre du monde est partout."

I somehow knew that this was all leading to your self-aggrandisement...

More seriously, the thoughts about role models have made me re-evaluate the perennial principle of life that we mentioned very briefly, namely, ask-and-shall-be-given type of teachings and advice. I realize that role models are variant of that, and as I believe in the power of role models, I began to think that ask-and-shall-be-given may have a grain of truth in it.

After all, almost any culture has a proverb to that effect.

Role models are different from the generic ask-and-shall-be-given in that we make use of our biological nature to mimic.

If you now think the ask-and-shall-be-given principle is valid, how do you explain the fact that there are thousands of millions of people who wish to be billionaires, but are not?

Let's say most of us have to start from setting a goal. Wanting to be rich and famous wouldn't make you so overnight, but having that explicit goal may help you keep your antennas tuned for appropriate opportunities. I think it is quite remarkable that we can steer the course of our lives and control what kind of persons we become with our desire as the principal tool.

That would not happen to other animals.

Goal setting is the mechanism that makes our mimicking selective; we do not follow any example, but the examples that we have chosen and approved. I believe that selective mimicking occurs among animals, too, but in a less conscious manner, of course. What differentiates homo sapiens from others is that we do not have to be in direct contact with the person who is our role model.

Any autobiography can be a good substitute for a live role model.

On a slightly different note, I am getting terribly annoyed with people who literally beg for attention. They are the ones who haven't thought about goals.

Some people ask for your attention? They must be quite desperate.

Dropping a stupid line to get a response is just a starter. In some cases, they tell me how much time they have on their hands and how bored they are.

Just a stupid line? You, on the other hand, babble all the time!

Okay, I do, but not to get attention. Complaining how bored you are is exactly what you should avoid to get people's attention. Who would want to spend time with someone who cannot even take care of her/himself? Anyway, my point here is about attraction. It seems that you cannot become an attractive person worthy of attention, unless you aim for it.

In other words, all attractive people actually think that they are attractive?

At least, they think they want to be so and they have thought about how they should go about it. I think the same applies to people who have managed to set themselves apart in various ways. It could be something as simple as dressing well, or as complicated as becoming recognized as a maverick. Or, mastering some skills and techniques. Consciousness is required for all of these.

But that can make people conceited.

I agree. There is a fine line between, for example, people who want to appear as cultivated persons and those who want to be cultivated persons. Being truly cultivated sometimes requires us to want to appear cultivated.

Now tell me, have you ever tried to set yourself above the hoi polloi in any of your bizzard ways?

The funny thing is that if you start thinking that you yourself is attractive, you can convince some people that you are, and that without becoming truly attractive.

I'm surprised that you think I've got such charisma.

It was a generic 'you'!