And we are so different, because we are so alike

We harbor about the same amount of nastiness inside us, but it is subject to modification by training on how to express it.

That is more or less where we left off last time, but I can't quite agree with the first part of that statement. Some babies are go-getters while some others are slackers, and that without any urging from the grown-ups.

True. But compared to the differences that we see later in their lives, aren't they more alike than ever?

Come to think of it, personal variations tend to increase as we age. Then, they start diminishing as we reach our old age, particularly if we become senile.

Is that meant to scare me---it implies that we revert to what we had been. Now I remember my grandparents wanting to eat more and more of what they used to eat in their childhood as they grew older.

If your strengths lie in physical activities, your prime time will pass early. As an athlete or a dancer, you can stay involved in the capacity of a coach or a choreographer, but there is no denying that you will be delegated to the backstage.

You can't blame me that I am an ageist, can you... Back to the topic of personal variations, our environment cannot plant in us what we are not born with, but they have tremendous influence in attenuating and accentuating what we do possess. Not everybody can be a professional tennis player, but respect for others, for example, can be inculcated.

Well, we need some people to organize tournaments, manufacture rackets, and so on.

Personal events have great power to shape who we are, while that power wanes as we age. In other words, there are two sides to maturity. You may be mature enough not to be disturbed by certain happenings, but it may also mean that you are too rigid to be corrected by them.

Is that meant to scare me---you are saying that there is a very fine line between maturity and inflexibility.

Genuine maturity should come with the ability to sort out meaningful events from others, but again, we have the tendency to become too selective in this regard over time. Let's turn to another factor that constitutes our environment: culture. Various cultures have their own ways to cope with our ugly side. Some condone it more than others.

Are you ranking cultures here?

I wish I could, because then, life would be easier.

Isn't it better to condone what we are born with rather than suppress it?

I didn't know that you are one of the people who consider anything natural is good. Well, it's not so unnatural of you to think so, because we are in that phase in history. After a flurry of activities to go in one direction always comes another in the opposite direction.

The technological progress in the past two centuries had the aim to subdue nature so that they would be of greater use to us. Lately in the developing world, we are seeing movements to live more along with nature. Recycling and composting, organic farming, local procurement of foodstuff, electronic cars, solar heating, power generation from wind and geothermal sources, search for wonder drugs in exotic plants...

Anger and hate come to us naturally without any instruction. Do you think it is better not to do anything about them?

I'd say that it is necessary to be angry against and hateful of certain things, for instance, discrimination based on attributes which are secondary to the question at hand.

That reminds me of a classmate who said that women should not major in chemical engineering.

Huh?

That was my reaction, too. When I asked him why, he said that it was because women could not haul by themselves the gas tanks required for experiments, and thus, were burden to male students.

Doesn't that imply that all disabled people should be killed because they are burden to the society?

I shall not disclose where he received his prior education... In any case, being angry about injustice can be destructive, too. Our anger shocks the other party and directs their attention to us, but it also tends to invoke anger on their side. If we are to make good use of anger, we should have control over it.

It should be measured and to the point, you mean... What about hatred?

I'm afraid that there is not much use for it.

Can't we show our commitment to justice by hating injustice?

Perhaps, but I think it only alienates people who engage in injustice.

I agree that we need to be under control in order to take advantage of our negative emotions inherent in us. But doesn't it deprive us of spontaneity in the good sense as well?

Bravo, comrade. If we are in control all the time, it makes us boring or unattractive.

Good news for a change! We should let ourselves go once in a while. We don't have to watch over ourselves every second.

One problem is how to select such moments.

But that itself takes away the casualness!

Another problem is how to remain spontaneous after choosing the moments to be so.

Comrade...

Did you expect life to be easy?

Not for you, obviously.

Isn't it amazing how much our cultural and personal environments can shape us to be so different, starting from the same basic material? The situation is further complicated by the fact that we greatly differ in how susceptible we are to such modifications.

Comrade...

I know a set of siblings who are close in age and grew up together in several continents because of their father's occupation. Some have become a true motley of cultures that they have been exposed to, while others are as if they had never left their home country.

... They must be looking forward to their old age when they become more alike.

Did you know that susceptibility to change by environment can be strengthened or weakened, depending on the environment itself?

...

Have you noticed that the more alike we are, the more we try to differentiate ourselves?

I know that one. Each country is often subject to its own fads, but within those fads, people try so hard to stand out.

If showing your tail is considered cool, almost everyone would be doing so, but some would show only the tip of it, some would tie a ribbon around it, some would tattoo it...

Tails...? A tattoo on a tail...? Are you talking about your friends from the Triangulum Galaxy?

We don't have to go that far. The Jews and the Arabs, the Hausa and the Yoruba, the Hutus and the Tutsis, the Welsh and the English, the Croats and the Serbs, the Georgians and the Russians, the Indians and the Pakistanis, the Japanese and the Koreans, the Americans and the Canadians, they are more alike than they care to admit, but if we mistake one for the other...

Unless they find it beneficial to form a united front.

As is the case with the Orthodox Jews and the conservative Muslims in the East End of London. Facing the outside world, they realized how much they share in terms of way of life.

After all, one can be Lev, Essad and Kurban, all at the same time.

Behind our masks

I didn't know about the situation in South Korea when I said blood would flow if we knew what we thought about each other.

And kill each other? As far as I know, there are still little under 50 million people in the country. In other words, they haven't annihilated themselves.

It concerns the Internet where you can say anonymously whatever you wish. It gives you a wide range of possible targets, too. Billions of postings are out there.

Anonymity plus the volume of postings guarantee that there will be no percussion... Tell me, what's happening in the Republic of Korea?

The latest is the death of an actress, Choi Jin Sil, very well known in her country. Apparently, online slanders became so bad that she was driven to suicide. I heard that a few other Korean celebrities have suffered the same fate, namely, accusations on the Internet, depression and suicide.

I also have received hate mail from people who could be identified only by their rather cryptic e-mail addresses. It was very disturbing, to say the least, but I never imagined that it could be that bad.

Whenever I read comments posted on the Internet, the depth of ill feelings surprises me, as well as the number of hate postings. I don't understand how someone can get so agitated by an opinion of a person with whom they have never had interaction before.

It is easier to understand if you get upset by statements from someone whom you know and you happen to have grudge against.

In addition, you do not have to say anything controversial to be picked as a target. Read some of the book reviews by people who purchase books online. The rawness of some of them gives me goose bumps.

Quite a bit of frustration must have been accumulated, and that negative emotion about something else is being unleashed at the same time, I imagine.

I read more American websites than others, and I used to think that it was an American phenomenon. Now that I have read Japanese ones and learned that the Internet is the primary cause of suicide among celebrities in Korea, I am convinced that it is a worldwide malady.

A small sample for such a sweeping conclusion, I'd say.

True, I have read some French commentaries and they were not that bad. But I guess that is because I have not visited Francophone sites extensively.

Isn't it surprising that so many people get angry so easily to the extent that they have to lash out?

Definitely. As you implied, it cannot be one posting that turns a calm and happy person into a malicious and evil one. That means, numerous people on this planet are suffering from lack of warm and caring human networks.

What is the connection between anger and human networks?

Suppose you enjoy good relationships with your family, friends, neighbors and co-workers. And perhaps with people you see on the street, too. Will you be inclined to attack someone at the slightest opportunity?

I thought you were of the opinion that we all have at least one hate project.

That's true, but at most a handful and for things like, cats because of your allergic reaction to them, your parents for lack of understanding, McDonald's for the same reason as José Bové is against it, etc.

We are often surprised when people talk about their hate projects.

Yes, I can sympathize with them, but still cannot help wondering if they have to get upset so much. To others, the degree of hatred is rather excessive.

So, what are your hate projects?

Shhhhh! The enemy is around!

Okay, I will spare you, if you spare me.

I have adopted a policy some time ago, with respect to making my own evaluation public. I would only say things that I dare to say directly to the person concerned.

You're mindful of leaks and rumors.

I would like to retain control over what I say, and considering human nature, I should be prepared that whatever I say about a person would eventually reach her/him, possibly with embellishments. As we have seen in Choi Jin Sil's case, rumors can become very damaging.

No gossiping, then. Doesn't it make you a bore?

I'm afraid it does. Worse, I have a feeling that many people think I'm stuck-up, but I would feel very uncomfortable acting otherwise.

You are not against my spreading around whatever you tell me about anyone.

In principle, no. I am ready to face people about whatever I say about them. But don't you agree that there can be much more to talking than saying 'you know, Monsieur Untel said such and such about Madame Unetelle'?

Gossiping seems to be as natural as hating...

I think our "innate" tendency to hate explains why there are bloody conflicts around the world.

And why we may not see an end to all that. It seems that we continue to come up with more innovative ways to harm others, as is the case with Internet triggered suicides.

"Men, in the course of civilizing themselves, have only complicated their barbarity and refined their misery."

Paul Bourget. Right?