I am again in a trouble because of misunderstanding.
It's time that you give up trying to be polite. People can tell that you are in fact angry or upset, even without a word to that effect. It's written all over your face! Why not talk to the party concerned about the misunderstanding?
There are certain things you should never be explicit about.
For example?
A good friend of yours is dating someone whose characters you do not approve of. Not only that, but you also think your friend is being taken advantage of.
What are you going to say to your friend when you learn that they are engaged---that kind of a thing?
Support as much as possible for your friend's sake, and never, ever tell her/him that you thought their relationship would not last or it is good that they are no longer together when they do break up.
In other words, you advocate dishonesty.
I am not saying that we should lie. We only have to keep some thoughts buried. The most important one among them is about people whom we know. I have seen enough evaluation of sorts to conclude that no collection of evaluation given without the presence of the subject would satisfy her/him. The comments and the ranting we see on the Internet are great pieces of evidence.
Even our thoughts about friends and family members?
Definitely. It is astonishing how highly we think of ourselves and how strictly we judge others.
But again, that's part of the wiring for survival, isn't it?
It is. I did a little experiment by telling people that blood would flow and none of us would be alive, if all of us knew what we thought about each other.
My goodness...
I think my audience was not sophisticated enough. They were shocked and gave a nervous laugh. I got a feeling that they genuinely hated me for the next few minutes.
Aren't you the one who lack sophistication to say such a thing? Plus, you blame the victims for your wrongdoing. You're lucky if you got it off like that.
What if they often bad-mouth other people behind their back? And what if I happen to hear from both of the two factions?
Attention! Here's a spy!
Why not a double agent? Anyway, they never articulate their frustrations to the other side, and when they are together they banter as if they were friends. When I think about the venom that they spit in the others' absence, I would never be able to trust either side.
You are surprised that they were shocked by your statement.
Our nature makes us grossly overestimate ourselves, and it prevents us from imagining that the "others" may also be unhappy about their "others," including us.
The great misunderstanding of yours has something to do with evaluation of others, I take it.
In a way, yes. I believe in being business-like about... business! When I do my work thoroughly, some people benefit more from it than others, and that makes them think that I like the former more as persons than the latter. It's crazy.
It must mean that if you want your colleagues to do something that is related to your task, you have to be chummy with them.
Yes, and that makes the whole operation unreliable, because personal preferences are never static.
You want stability.
The primary purpose of going to our workplace is to contribute in the best way we can to the organization. We should strive to make decisions that are independent of likes and dislikes about people. I cannot get over it that not many people seem to agree with this principle.
What about personal satisfaction from engaging in that business? That could be the primary reason for going to work.
Few of us are lucky enough to do for a living what we like and enjoy...
It's time that you give up trying to be polite. People can tell that you are in fact angry or upset, even without a word to that effect. It's written all over your face! Why not talk to the party concerned about the misunderstanding?
There are certain things you should never be explicit about.
For example?
A good friend of yours is dating someone whose characters you do not approve of. Not only that, but you also think your friend is being taken advantage of.
What are you going to say to your friend when you learn that they are engaged---that kind of a thing?
Support as much as possible for your friend's sake, and never, ever tell her/him that you thought their relationship would not last or it is good that they are no longer together when they do break up.
In other words, you advocate dishonesty.
I am not saying that we should lie. We only have to keep some thoughts buried. The most important one among them is about people whom we know. I have seen enough evaluation of sorts to conclude that no collection of evaluation given without the presence of the subject would satisfy her/him. The comments and the ranting we see on the Internet are great pieces of evidence.
Even our thoughts about friends and family members?
Definitely. It is astonishing how highly we think of ourselves and how strictly we judge others.
But again, that's part of the wiring for survival, isn't it?
It is. I did a little experiment by telling people that blood would flow and none of us would be alive, if all of us knew what we thought about each other.
My goodness...
I think my audience was not sophisticated enough. They were shocked and gave a nervous laugh. I got a feeling that they genuinely hated me for the next few minutes.
Aren't you the one who lack sophistication to say such a thing? Plus, you blame the victims for your wrongdoing. You're lucky if you got it off like that.
What if they often bad-mouth other people behind their back? And what if I happen to hear from both of the two factions?
Attention! Here's a spy!
Why not a double agent? Anyway, they never articulate their frustrations to the other side, and when they are together they banter as if they were friends. When I think about the venom that they spit in the others' absence, I would never be able to trust either side.
You are surprised that they were shocked by your statement.
Our nature makes us grossly overestimate ourselves, and it prevents us from imagining that the "others" may also be unhappy about their "others," including us.
The great misunderstanding of yours has something to do with evaluation of others, I take it.
In a way, yes. I believe in being business-like about... business! When I do my work thoroughly, some people benefit more from it than others, and that makes them think that I like the former more as persons than the latter. It's crazy.
It must mean that if you want your colleagues to do something that is related to your task, you have to be chummy with them.
Yes, and that makes the whole operation unreliable, because personal preferences are never static.
You want stability.
The primary purpose of going to our workplace is to contribute in the best way we can to the organization. We should strive to make decisions that are independent of likes and dislikes about people. I cannot get over it that not many people seem to agree with this principle.
What about personal satisfaction from engaging in that business? That could be the primary reason for going to work.
Few of us are lucky enough to do for a living what we like and enjoy...
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