Did you get snubbed again?
I don't always talk about my own experiences, you know...
Isn't it natural that we talk about ourselves? After all, it is what matters most to us.
In fact, that is what I want to discuss. Have you noticed that we are very much asymmetric in evaluation of ourselves versus that of others?
True. We tend to be lenient toward ourselves, but readily criticize others.
I have always been amazed that most of us fail to understand the simple principle that if an act hurts us, it will most likely hurt others as well.
I think most of us are aware of that principle, but carry on anyway, because we put satisfying our needs and desires before those of others. Plus, we always have a good excuse---we have different sensitivities.
And we manage to convince ourselves that our targets are always tougher than we are.
I am of the opinion that we do not think that much beforehand. We simply follow our base desire to protect ourselves, and if that means at the expense of others, so be it.
The problem with doing so is that we fall into a tit-for-tat situation. Just as you did not care about others' feelings, they would not care about yours. Your act to soothe your ego, which often hurt others', would come back as another act to hurt yours.
That downward spiral has to stop somewhere.
I consider that one of the important elements in civilization. We have to see several steps ahead of the "game," and choose the strategy that works best in the long term.
I already see a potential problem; we would not agree on how long is the "long term."
That is community dependent, I'd say. The longer its history is, the longer the "long term" would be.
Are you sure about that? Remember what happened to Armenians under the rule of the Ottoman Empire after nearly 400 years? Just as the Holocaust was the pinnacle of many pogroms since the ancient times, the Armenian Genocide was preceded by smaller scale massacres. So it was with the Rwandan Genocide, too. All of these are long histories of co-existence peppered by outbreaks of resentment and hatred.
If we compare cultures of similar lengths of history, we would find variations among them. If we compare those of different lengths, I think a shorter history is usually associated with a shorter "long term."
Perhaps we can say that about individuals as well. Older people seem have longer "long terms" than younger people of the same culture.
Getting back to the initial concern of mine, I have noticed two types of reaction to rejections: anger and dejection.
I'm afraid we cannot avoid them.
Agree, but if I have to choose, I'd take dejection.
Because it rhymes with the word, 'rejection'?
Anger can turn into violent actions toward others. Dejection, if it ever becomes violent, would be directed against ourselves. We are less of a nuisance in the dejection case.
Do you mean to say that it's better that I hang myself than throw a hand grenade in your direction?
Now, now, let's not get into that.
It was implied, though.
Think about it further. If that logic applies to you, it should apply to me as well. It then means that I should commit suicide and spare you. The bottom line is that I personally do not want to be a target of someone who is suffering from rejection.
You sound awfully unsympathetic!
I've got my limits, and it is easier to be sympathetic toward a dejected person than an angry one. I'm sure you can easily recall when you were forced to listen to rants of a rejected person.
It's all about how stupid the rejectors are, because they did not see the true quality of her/him, and they are going to greatly suffer as a consequence.
The source of anger usually becomes larger with time: from the rejectors alone to include anyone who does not agree with the assessment that the rejection was the most inane event in history.
Rejected people often end up finding fault with everything and everyone except themselves, for not seeing their true value.
After listening to them for some time, the thought that comes to me is: "Are you sure that you are so worthy?"
We forget that we are all biased and have the built-in tendency to evaluate ourselves much more favorably than other people would.
They should realize that they start to look ridiculous, but they are blinded by their injured psyche; it all fits with our me-me-me inclination.
Should it be condoned then?
Let's say it is short-sighted me-me-me, which is inferior to long-term me-me-me. We do not realize often enough, but we do have a choice as to how to interpret an event. We can take it as an occasion to wallow in spite and hatred, or an opportunity to better our lives. The short-sighted me-me-me corresponds to the former, and the long-sighted to the latter.
You sound preachy today... Well, I'd say dejected people are a nuisance, too. You must have been in a situation where you were forced to say, "You deserve something better," when you didn't mean it.
That one is also tough, especially when you know that the person is fishing for some hyperbolic consolation. Still, I'd say that it is better than listening to rants. Plus, anger can be heightened into bitterness.
Anger has the potential to be a force for improvement, but bitterness does not.
Self-improvement with anger as the propelling factor may not be the best, because in essence, we seek revenge by doing so. But it can be considered productive. We are not sabotaging anything.
On the other hand, bitterness serves nothing, if I'm not mistaken.
It is difficult to interact with bitter people, because they have chosen to see the event in question, or sometimes the whole world, negatively and do not make attempts to change that stance.
They could adopt another perspective, but reject that possibility on the grounds of naïveté.
Bitter orange is also called sour orange.
We need a drink to toast.
To what are we going to toast?
What about life?
I know what to order! It has to be "Bittersweet with a Twist."
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