Consciousness is required for the job

There you are!

I'm not late, am I?

No, you're not. But, it seems like we have settled into this pattern of meeting every other week. I thought it was supposed to be every week.

I would like to make it that often, but things are a bit hectic right now.

Isn't that your excuse when you don't have anything to complain about? It seems like only when you do, you call a meeting to give me an earful.

I am shocked to hear that you think our talks are like that! I thought we were aiming for truly meaningful conversations like Plato's.

You mean, Symposium, the Republic, etc.?

Of course.

Let's say we can't stop anyone from aiming high. Think also about the psychological suffering that your statement may give to the admirers of Plato. Remember when we got comments from random people because of our chat about oxygen masks?

Talking about goals and such, I think role models are important in our lives.

Isn't it interesting that we can take advantage of our innate behavior to ape others?

We unconsciously mimic the ones around us. We also do to others what others did to us, again without any explicit plan to replicate.

That's why many who are molested as children grow up to become child molesters.

In general, any kind of abuse of the younger tends to be passed on from generation to generation. The role models are different from such cases, because we consciously decide that we want to be like them. In other words, you are supplementing your biological urge to imitate with recognition that you want to make use of it, but in a selective manner.

Most people cannot vision an ideal person from the abstract, and thus, are need of more concrete examples?

For most, there is a big gap between understanding in theory and applying that theory to real-life situations.

That includes you, I suppose?

It is true that sometimes I do not have a satisfactory solution as to how to behave in certain situations for a long time. I keep on observing until I encounter a good one. In that sense, the answer is yes. But I also learn from what I don't like about people. In many such cases, I only have to adopt a strategy that is opposite of what I see.

Doesn't it help to be exposed to people from different cultures?

Some cultures handle certain difficult situations so well, whereas other cultures do not; it is better to have contact with as many cultures as possible. The problem is that when I am in Lilliput, I become exasperated by what I see as undesirable behavior and would never be witnessed in Laputa. While I am in Laputa, I get incensed by what I think is undesirable behavior and would never be seen in Lilliput.

It gives you more exposure to both good and bad ways.

People with such background often become some kind of a chameleon as a result.

Did you ever have a role model?

No, I shun anything that has a hint of personal cult. I like copying bits and pieces from all over the place.

It fits your self-description as a chameleon. Do you prefer yourself that way?

Naturally. It comes with a stamp of approval from Blaise Pascal! "Le centre du monde est partout."

I somehow knew that this was all leading to your self-aggrandisement...

More seriously, the thoughts about role models have made me re-evaluate the perennial principle of life that we mentioned very briefly, namely, ask-and-shall-be-given type of teachings and advice. I realize that role models are variant of that, and as I believe in the power of role models, I began to think that ask-and-shall-be-given may have a grain of truth in it.

After all, almost any culture has a proverb to that effect.

Role models are different from the generic ask-and-shall-be-given in that we make use of our biological nature to mimic.

If you now think the ask-and-shall-be-given principle is valid, how do you explain the fact that there are thousands of millions of people who wish to be billionaires, but are not?

Let's say most of us have to start from setting a goal. Wanting to be rich and famous wouldn't make you so overnight, but having that explicit goal may help you keep your antennas tuned for appropriate opportunities. I think it is quite remarkable that we can steer the course of our lives and control what kind of persons we become with our desire as the principal tool.

That would not happen to other animals.

Goal setting is the mechanism that makes our mimicking selective; we do not follow any example, but the examples that we have chosen and approved. I believe that selective mimicking occurs among animals, too, but in a less conscious manner, of course. What differentiates homo sapiens from others is that we do not have to be in direct contact with the person who is our role model.

Any autobiography can be a good substitute for a live role model.

On a slightly different note, I am getting terribly annoyed with people who literally beg for attention. They are the ones who haven't thought about goals.

Some people ask for your attention? They must be quite desperate.

Dropping a stupid line to get a response is just a starter. In some cases, they tell me how much time they have on their hands and how bored they are.

Just a stupid line? You, on the other hand, babble all the time!

Okay, I do, but not to get attention. Complaining how bored you are is exactly what you should avoid to get people's attention. Who would want to spend time with someone who cannot even take care of her/himself? Anyway, my point here is about attraction. It seems that you cannot become an attractive person worthy of attention, unless you aim for it.

In other words, all attractive people actually think that they are attractive?

At least, they think they want to be so and they have thought about how they should go about it. I think the same applies to people who have managed to set themselves apart in various ways. It could be something as simple as dressing well, or as complicated as becoming recognized as a maverick. Or, mastering some skills and techniques. Consciousness is required for all of these.

But that can make people conceited.

I agree. There is a fine line between, for example, people who want to appear as cultivated persons and those who want to be cultivated persons. Being truly cultivated sometimes requires us to want to appear cultivated.

Now tell me, have you ever tried to set yourself above the hoi polloi in any of your bizzard ways?

The funny thing is that if you start thinking that you yourself is attractive, you can convince some people that you are, and that without becoming truly attractive.

I'm surprised that you think I've got such charisma.

It was a generic 'you'!

Spare me, I'm stuck-up

What is your immediate reaction in an instance of insolence?

I get terribly angry.

Do you express that anger verbally or physically?

Neither.

You bottle it all up?

I want to show anger to let the offending party know that their action is immoral. At the same time, I do not want to, because anyone---save the offender---should not suffer from my anger. In fact, I prefer not to get angry, because I don't enjoy it myself.

So, what do you do?

As I said, nothing. I don't slap or stab anyone. I don't blurt out anything on the spot. I don't start talking more because of it, or less, and keep my voice the same.

Hmmm, is that your honest assessment? I think your voice changes and you tend to talk much less. Plus, your face reminds me of how to draw angry cartoon figures.

Let's say I am much better than most people in controlling myself. But apparently, it shows quite a bit, because people around me become tense.

Wasn't humility your credo?

Somebody has to say the truth out loud, especially when... Anyway, it's inconvenient, because even when I contain myself, the gossip version would be that I became angry. And, I can get quite upset over what may be trivial matters to others.

Like people giving you the smallest piece of cake?

I got upset when one person gave me a huge piece, although I asked for a small one. It seems that he thought that was funny. When we talk about dignity, we tend to think that it concerns heavy-duty moral issues. However, we are capable of hurting others' dignity by ignoring, mocking or deriding their wishes, desires, gestures and thoughts.

Does that mean that our dignity could be hurt by reactions to anything we do in our daily lives?

Exactly. It can be as simple as a comment on where you are from, which languages you speak, where you live, etc. I am always amazed how little imagination people seem to have. Some of us have complicated lives, and even seemingly innocent questions should not be posed care-free.

Are we allowed to ask you anything then?

It all depends on how you ask. Talking about manner of presentation, many of the rumors we hear are stripped not only of context, but also of how each line was enunciated. No wonder gossips get juicy as they are passed on.

Incidentally, I heard that you blew up the other day when someone assumed that the weird tasting cookies in a bag with weird characters were your contribution.

I did not blow up, but certainly took offense. The question was, "Did you bring those cookies?", and that in a tone which would have been justified had I brought in a bag of cookies with worms crawling in and out. It looked like she was going to tell me how weird the cookies tasted, had I been the culprit.

It doesn't sound that bad.

I think she should have been appreciative faced with a person whom she thought had made the contribution. She showed zero respect for the good-will gesture. That is already pretty bad, but for me, it was offensive because the description of the package was in characters that she could not read.

Doesn't it mean that she values your linguistic skills?

I give benefit of a doubt, even after all these years of abuses related to off-the-mark assumptions based on my appearance alone. This incident was not an exception to that rule.

What made you think that it was an offense, rather than appreciation?

Her manner of presentation. You see, if this exchange travels along the grapevine, I am sure that it will soon become monstrous, because an important element will be inevitably left out, namely how she articulated the question.

"You know what happened? I simply asked if s/he brought in these goodies, and then..." Like that?

You have already used the more positive word 'goodies,' in place of more neutral 'cookies'!

It was for the purpose of demonstration.

I have my sense of morality, and it tells me that I should be polite to people, including her and the like. Politeness and friendship are two different animals.

Is that why you are considered stuck-up?

I suppose so, and I don't mind at all. What amazes me is that such people engage in hefty rounds of hurting and offending each other and still think they get on well.

For example?

They would lose temper over misplaced items and send nasty notes about it. They even get into a shouting and yelling match.

Isn't it shouting again that is bothering you?

As I may have said before, I don't know any good occasion for yelling except for asking for help in emergency situations. Another thing that I find incomprehensible is that they want some kind of a pecking order and that is established by intimidation and fear.

Isn't there an official hierarchy?

What on earth makes you think that this is all about my work place? Anyway, they follow what the more forceful one says at the expense of the other less forceful ones.

Don't they believe in collective decision making, a pillar of democracy?

Apparently, not. Mind you, if you ask them whether they believe in democracy, the answer would be an astounding 'yes.' Back to the issue of pecking order, if you don't intimidate them, they think you are not confident enough. Further, it amounts to self-acknowledgment on your part that you are not competent enough.

Don't they want to follow the one with the most reasonable opinion or strategy?

That used to be my question, too, until I found out that they don't want to think and they simply want to be told what to do.

They need a forceful person, who is even intimidating, because that is the only way to obtain reassurance that they are doing the right thing, and that without thinking on their own.

That's why I have very little tolerance for non-independent thinkers...

I'd say they have thought enough to realize that an intimidating person would defend them if they pledge allegiance to her/him.

They are so used to the situation that they are unaware of the intimidation-fear equation. The same kind of unawareness must be at work when they think they get along well, although they yell at and insult each other.

You know, ignorance is bliss, and they may be happier than you are.

Let them be!

Hey, it's a happy ending, did you know that? They are happy the way they are, and so are you!