Words are absolutely necessary on some occasions.
I thought you were of the opinion that all is in the act! You have been telling us not to judge by words but by actions.
I do think that it is easy to say something, but much more difficult to follow it up with actions. People around the world agree; sayings and dictums to that effect abound.
We can relay emotions, instruct what to do, or even enforce rules with facial expressions, gestures and drawings. We also encounter situations in which words fail.
I completely agree with that also.
Why backpeddaling then?
Don't be so negative, comrade... It has come to my attention that there are cases where actions do not suffice and words become necessary.
For example?
Why do you think greeting cards are so prevalent?
I thought you would be the one who points out that it is an Occidental custom, spread by some corporations for their business purposes.
The cards that we see most often do fit your description. But we should not forget that some other cultures have had the tradition to give greeting cards or letters, albeit mostly on different occasions.
Isn't that a matter of whether a reliable postal system existed or not?
You are right---good postal service is indispensable for exchanging greeting cards in paper. It does not mean, however, that societies without courrier service were devoid of seasonal greetings.
How did they convey the greetings, then?
People visited each other for that purpose with gifts, or simply changed their everyday greetings in person for a seasonal one. The crucial factor here is that, in order to have our intention recognized, it becomes obligatory to employ one of the stock phrases for the occasion.
I can't simply knock on your door, hand out a present, and think that my purpose would be understood?
Haven't you been given something which made you scratch your head and mumble, 'But, but... why?'?
Most are from my admirers, I admit, but there are some that cannot be put in that category.
Actions need to be supplemented by words in such cases. Without them, the acts are useless.
You said that the words need to be the well-known ones. Why is that?
When actions are not sufficient to convey the purpose, you shouldn't be too innovative with your words. You say or write something so as to clarify the meaning of your gesture, because it alone happens to be hard to interpret.
Is that why we stick to 'Happy birthday,' 'Happy anniversary,' and so on?
Think about more difficult moments. When someone passes away, we want to say something to the survivors, but most of us become utterly lost.
And we turn on the computer and search for pre-made greetings?
I don't see anything wrong with that. We need to acknowledge the event in an accepted manner and that can be done by employing a stock phrase. We are free to add anything to them, of course.
Are we concerned mainly about milestones in life, here?
They are certainly the times when off-the-rack greetings are more important. Suppose we attend a wedding and never say 'Congratulations,' although we are very happy for the couple.
The newly-weds would wonder what we are thinking...
They would try to overcome the lack of that crucial word with what we have done for them, but still the frustration or the puzzlement would remain.
Not saying the required words may be all right for children, but...
In all societies, knowing the protocol is one of the prerequisites for adulthood. What is striking is that more traditional a society is, the more protocol it has. The problem with protocols is that we have to know exactly what they are; they cannot be deduced by logic or substituted with our creativity. If we are ignorant of them, we are given the labels, 'rude,' 'impolite,' 'badly raised,' 'weird,' 'no class,' etc.
Put differently, modernization has made becoming an adult easier?
We could certainly say so, and that to mixed results. Protocols demand time and effort to learn them, but once mastered, they enable us to run various relationships smoothly. We don't have to be happy about others' birthdays, but saying 'Happy birthday' demonstrates that you know the possible importance of the occasion to the person in question and that you care enough about the relationship to acknowledge it.
Why mixed results? Aren't we capable of making up with actions or lines of our choice, if protocols no longer exist?
That is the ideal, comrade. But haven't you encountered situations in which you strongly wished to hear the hackneyed sentences?
Such as, 'I'm sorry'?
We can do all sorts of things that point to our state of being sorry, but sometimes, they have to be topped with our saying 'I'm sorry.' Otherwise, the party that we are concerned with would think that we are beating around the bush. If it had been made into a protocol, it is more likely that the problem would not arise.
But haven't you argued that actions are more powerful than words and that it is so easy to be cocky with what we say?
Definitely, but it is also dangerous to think that stock phrases are useless.
I know what you are thinking about... Legal conflicts, right?
That is one of the reasons why I am against litigation culture. What was said commands undue importance, unless actions are obviously to the contrary---just as it is easier to ticket a driver who is going a tiny bit over the speed limit than one who is changing lanes for no good reason and posing danger to other drivers on the road.
There is a speedometer which clearly shows the number, while it is difficult to prove how dangerous certain zigzagging is.
Protocols also keep our behavior in line by serving as guidelines. I would like to think that people could better use their energy to come up with personal lines than learning the ones that are widely accepted and perhaps too well known, but that has not been what resulted from modernization as we see now.
We as individuals are limited compared to the wisdom of hundreds of generations.
Each individual by her/himself is also limited in terms of awareness of situations which require words. It would be better, in my opinion, if all cultures had pre-made sentences in some of the situations that are often neglected.
Even if the person does not mean it?
Even so. In fact, a stock phrase is a very convenient compromise for both parties; it is the minimum acceptable for the grieving and the maximum permissible for the offending.
Wouldn't it be stifling to live in a society with countless societal rules, though?
Think about how chaotic the world has become with fewer and fewer protocols. In a protocol regulated society, we know exactly what is happening. If we say the minimum required, we care little but do not wish to go as far as to be impolite. If we do something or say in addition, it is understood that we are personally concerned.
When only a handful of rules exist and we are free to express our feelings in our own way, what happens is...
We tend to turn a blind eye to many circumstances where words---or actions for that matter---would do great good. Plus, we often cannot deduce the thoughts of the other party from their behavior, because there is no protocol which serves as the norm.
It's a... it's a... mess!
I thought you were of the opinion that all is in the act! You have been telling us not to judge by words but by actions.
I do think that it is easy to say something, but much more difficult to follow it up with actions. People around the world agree; sayings and dictums to that effect abound.
We can relay emotions, instruct what to do, or even enforce rules with facial expressions, gestures and drawings. We also encounter situations in which words fail.
I completely agree with that also.
Why backpeddaling then?
Don't be so negative, comrade... It has come to my attention that there are cases where actions do not suffice and words become necessary.
For example?
Why do you think greeting cards are so prevalent?
I thought you would be the one who points out that it is an Occidental custom, spread by some corporations for their business purposes.
The cards that we see most often do fit your description. But we should not forget that some other cultures have had the tradition to give greeting cards or letters, albeit mostly on different occasions.
Isn't that a matter of whether a reliable postal system existed or not?
You are right---good postal service is indispensable for exchanging greeting cards in paper. It does not mean, however, that societies without courrier service were devoid of seasonal greetings.
How did they convey the greetings, then?
People visited each other for that purpose with gifts, or simply changed their everyday greetings in person for a seasonal one. The crucial factor here is that, in order to have our intention recognized, it becomes obligatory to employ one of the stock phrases for the occasion.
I can't simply knock on your door, hand out a present, and think that my purpose would be understood?
Haven't you been given something which made you scratch your head and mumble, 'But, but... why?'?
Most are from my admirers, I admit, but there are some that cannot be put in that category.
Actions need to be supplemented by words in such cases. Without them, the acts are useless.
You said that the words need to be the well-known ones. Why is that?
When actions are not sufficient to convey the purpose, you shouldn't be too innovative with your words. You say or write something so as to clarify the meaning of your gesture, because it alone happens to be hard to interpret.
Is that why we stick to 'Happy birthday,' 'Happy anniversary,' and so on?
Think about more difficult moments. When someone passes away, we want to say something to the survivors, but most of us become utterly lost.
And we turn on the computer and search for pre-made greetings?
I don't see anything wrong with that. We need to acknowledge the event in an accepted manner and that can be done by employing a stock phrase. We are free to add anything to them, of course.
Are we concerned mainly about milestones in life, here?
They are certainly the times when off-the-rack greetings are more important. Suppose we attend a wedding and never say 'Congratulations,' although we are very happy for the couple.
The newly-weds would wonder what we are thinking...
They would try to overcome the lack of that crucial word with what we have done for them, but still the frustration or the puzzlement would remain.
Not saying the required words may be all right for children, but...
In all societies, knowing the protocol is one of the prerequisites for adulthood. What is striking is that more traditional a society is, the more protocol it has. The problem with protocols is that we have to know exactly what they are; they cannot be deduced by logic or substituted with our creativity. If we are ignorant of them, we are given the labels, 'rude,' 'impolite,' 'badly raised,' 'weird,' 'no class,' etc.
Put differently, modernization has made becoming an adult easier?
We could certainly say so, and that to mixed results. Protocols demand time and effort to learn them, but once mastered, they enable us to run various relationships smoothly. We don't have to be happy about others' birthdays, but saying 'Happy birthday' demonstrates that you know the possible importance of the occasion to the person in question and that you care enough about the relationship to acknowledge it.
Why mixed results? Aren't we capable of making up with actions or lines of our choice, if protocols no longer exist?
That is the ideal, comrade. But haven't you encountered situations in which you strongly wished to hear the hackneyed sentences?
Such as, 'I'm sorry'?
We can do all sorts of things that point to our state of being sorry, but sometimes, they have to be topped with our saying 'I'm sorry.' Otherwise, the party that we are concerned with would think that we are beating around the bush. If it had been made into a protocol, it is more likely that the problem would not arise.
But haven't you argued that actions are more powerful than words and that it is so easy to be cocky with what we say?
Definitely, but it is also dangerous to think that stock phrases are useless.
I know what you are thinking about... Legal conflicts, right?
That is one of the reasons why I am against litigation culture. What was said commands undue importance, unless actions are obviously to the contrary---just as it is easier to ticket a driver who is going a tiny bit over the speed limit than one who is changing lanes for no good reason and posing danger to other drivers on the road.
There is a speedometer which clearly shows the number, while it is difficult to prove how dangerous certain zigzagging is.
Protocols also keep our behavior in line by serving as guidelines. I would like to think that people could better use their energy to come up with personal lines than learning the ones that are widely accepted and perhaps too well known, but that has not been what resulted from modernization as we see now.
We as individuals are limited compared to the wisdom of hundreds of generations.
Each individual by her/himself is also limited in terms of awareness of situations which require words. It would be better, in my opinion, if all cultures had pre-made sentences in some of the situations that are often neglected.
Even if the person does not mean it?
Even so. In fact, a stock phrase is a very convenient compromise for both parties; it is the minimum acceptable for the grieving and the maximum permissible for the offending.
Wouldn't it be stifling to live in a society with countless societal rules, though?
Think about how chaotic the world has become with fewer and fewer protocols. In a protocol regulated society, we know exactly what is happening. If we say the minimum required, we care little but do not wish to go as far as to be impolite. If we do something or say in addition, it is understood that we are personally concerned.
When only a handful of rules exist and we are free to express our feelings in our own way, what happens is...
We tend to turn a blind eye to many circumstances where words---or actions for that matter---would do great good. Plus, we often cannot deduce the thoughts of the other party from their behavior, because there is no protocol which serves as the norm.
It's a... it's a... mess!
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