Once we were hunters (and most still are)

Do you remember talking about my classmates in language classes? The ones who were jealous about me for odd reasons?

Are you sure that they were angry about your language capabilities?

I realized that the same psychology is behind almost all our actions.

Misplaced jealousy, you mean?

We can say more generally, rivalry. We feel competitive against people who live similarly to the way we do and whom we happen to know. We live to outdo them.

I didn't know that your life goal was to get ahead of your next door neighbor!

Others who live differently---who belong to a different tribe, class, nation, gender, etc.---are less prone to become targets of jealousy, even if they are much more endowed.

Didn't you tell me that a classmate in your Klingon course stood up during pronunciation exercises and said, "If someone from the Andromeda Galaxy can say that word right, I should be able to."?

Such things happen... The comment by the student from the Triangulum Galaxy was based on the thought that both galaxies are known to produce linguistically handicapped creatures and that Andromeda was worse on that score. The fact that they were in the same class had already set the stage for the Triangulumian to feel competitive against the Andromedean.

Having hailed from places which are comparable in terms of notoriety for their inaptness in languages, the Triangulumian felt much stronger jealousy... Tell me, did this student manage to master Klingon pronunciation?

If she had been equipped with the ability, she wouldn't have had to make that declaration in the middle of the class. By the way, do you also remember why we are eager to own more and something better than the people around us?

The things that we own and the persons to whom we are closely related are extensions of who we are. By adding more extensions, we attempt to become more powerful than others.

In sum, we want to be superior to the people around us, and one way to achieve this end is to accumulate objects and relationships. There is more to this equation, though. Most of us not only wish to acquire more, but also enjoy the process of acquiring.

Don't count me in. I am one of those who prefer to go straight to the item that I intend to purchase in the store, pay, and get out as quickly as possible.

It doesn't have to be shopping. I know that some people are into fishing, because they love to eat what they catch, but I also know some others who release immediately whatever tugs the line.

Are they vegetarian fishermen who use fishing lures?

Not necessarily. Most of them go to the supermarket to purchase fish for dinner.

Does that make sense?

We can say that the process of making something our own brings us satisfaction.

That sounds familiar, all of the sudden. What about chasing a potential lover until that person becomes interested in you?

It is another case of cherishing the process more than the prize at the end.

Aren't we talking about rather perverse cases here?

Many of us love bargain hunting.

But we also value what we end up buying.

Are you sure about that? You must have some items in your closet that you bought with great excitement because you thought they were good deals, but are now covered with a thick layer of dust.

How did you find out about my wear-on-your-wrist mosquito detector?

Suppose everybody knows what is available at what price, at which store, at what time.

There would be no opportunity for bargain hunting.

Exactly. We tend to think that perfect information is always better than imperfect information, but not so. Many enjoy making use of that imperfection.

And, it has to be you who has less imperfect information than the rest of us, right?

That is what everyone wishes for her/himself. The joy of finding a good deal comes from outwitting the masses. Suppose you come across a great find and purchase it. That should make you happy.

But if I discover the following day that everybody in the neighborhood bought exactly the same thing at the same price...

Or even slightly cheaper...

I would feel very disappointed. I may even feel stupid or angry.

You see? Here, too, is the desire to be better off than others.

I thought it was more about outwitting others.

You are right---the word, 'outwitting,' is more suited for our discussion. The word can nicely explain our attraction not only to good-deal hunting, but also to animal hunting and fishing. In the latter, it is about outwitting the animals and fish that you want to catch.

Whereas in good-deal hunting, it is about outwitting other buyers.

We could say that we outsmart the sellers, too, because we are paying less than we are willing to for that particular item or service. Or at least, that is how we perceive good bargains. In some cases, the sellers succeed in giving us that impression through clever merchandising.

That's true. I have seen advertisements for offers with limitations. It is valid only for members, only for a certain period, or while the supply lasts.

They sometimes take the opposite tack and say that it is an opportunity that nobody should miss. If you do, you are stupid.

But you know, I derive satisfaction from taking advantage of a good deal, and that without talking about it to other people.

Do you feel smart and lucky when you find a deal of your liking?

I don't feel dumb and unlucky for sure!

You will feel dumb if you later learn that the 'deal' was not exactly so.

I may not confirm that the deal is truly a deal by boasting about it to others, but it is important for my satisfaction that I believe in its value. Is this your point?

Yes, you need to be convinced that you have gone about more cleverly than others.

Deal-hunting is all about trying to be smarter than people around us, then...

Do you know what is so infuriating about the squirrels that feast on your strawberries in the garden and manage to avoid your traps?

They steal my fruits of labor.

That, of course. More crucially, they are outsmarting you.

With their tiny brains! I wouldn't ask them for shopping advice, though.

The other side of the coin is that our aversion to being outwitted is so strong that it prevents many of us from behaving cooperatively.

We are afraid that compromising would be taken as a sign of weakness and submission.

It is possible to get the message across that it is not so, but that would be a long-term project.

Civility and civilization are time consuming...

Our view is supported by the evolution of Slow Food movement into a more general Slow Movement.

We have talked about how proximity breeds jealousy. I think it is also true that proximity engenders compassion.

How does that work?

When I was in primary school, we were taught that we should not forget that we are all alike. Therefore, if an act by someone inflicts pain on us, we should not act similarly upon others. In short, we were told to be nice to each other, because we were more or less the same.

What your teacher taught you is ideal and what I argued is reality.

I disagree. When we think that the other party consists of beings which are below us, we hesitate little in hating them. Consider war propaganda, for example. But once we recognize that they are human beings, just as we are, we develop warm feelings toward them.

If that were true, we would have no conflict among people who recognize that all of us are of the same species.

I'd say some of us have not embraced that fact.

We can say that. But attaining that understanding is not the end of the story.

How so?

Once we get used to each other, or realize that we are alike, we enter the situation that I described.

Competition against one another?

There is a honeymoon period in any relationship, be it between persons or between a person and an object---we talked about it some time ago. The ideal is to stay at that stage, but the reality is that sooner or later it degenerates.

Little respect for each other? But how do you explain your case of helping the starving babies in Darfur, then? That is based on the recognition that we are all on the same boat.

Many of us are ready to help others if doing so would not empower them to threaten our standing.

You're terrible...

You're shooting the messenger, my dear comrade. Think about it, life would be deadly boring if there were no room to strive for the ideal!