Certainly. It seems to me that the expression, "better than," is too weak for the comparison. Love should be the way of life, and not hatred.
I essentially agree with you, but there are all sorts of love, you know. Some can be as harmful as hatred.
Do you mean something like obsessive love?
That's one, but there are others. To love is an act that can be conducted without the recipient's consent. In other words, there are kinds of love that the recipients do not appreciate.
When you love a person, you wish her/him to be happy, but instead, you make her/him unhappy. How do we come to that?
It's well possible, because we are different in what leads to happiness. "[T]he person whose affection is satisfactory to us must not merely wish us well but must know in what our happiness consists."
Bertrand Russell, this time? I suppose you have in mind suitors who shower their targets with unwanted gifts and invitations.
Such people are pure annoyance to the receiving side, and must terminate their pursuits immediately.
Isn't it true that in this asymmetric world of male and female, men do not change their minds in the course of being pursued, but women often do?
Do you want to say that women start enjoying the attention if it persists? If so, you are dead wrong.
A sweeping statement from a small sample, I take it.
We only need one counterexample to falsify your hypothesis. Karl Popper would have approved of its formulation.
But I thought your all-time favorite movie was "Cinema Paradiso." In that film, Elena gives Salvatore a cold shoulder at first, but is won over by his, let's say, tenacious affection. She eventually leaves him after what looks like a very happy period for both of them, but afterwards, he does not quite manage to forget her.
Ah, l'amooooore!
Do I have to praise your pronunciation?
Anyway, I'd say the reality is far uglier. If you truly care about a person and s/he does not enjoy your attention, let alone company, you should back off. In most cases, the suitors do not.
What do you think about Paul Simon's "Still Crazy After All These Years"?
A nice song, but such a case in the real world can be terribly irritating. Besides, the song is about an old lover, and not a rejected suitor from long ago.
I thought ever-lasting love was a great compliment under any circumstances.
I tell you, it can be goose-bump generating, nausea inducing, mucus producing...
No exaggeration, please.
I am not exaggerating at all; unilateral love can lead to hatred from the other party. How would you feel if you find out that a person who is inferior to you in all aspects wants to be in an exclusive relationship with you?
Are we talking about lice, or perhaps mosquitoes?
I prefer lice and mosquitoes, because I can squash them flat with my slipper.
You don't have to kill them, do you? Anyway, some people like to be dominated.
I take display of such wishes as an unpardonable insult.
Now, now...
It is also a sign of stupidity for not seeing what I want and that s/he is incapable of giving it to me.
We have been talking about you, eh? They are overly optimistic as if to compensate for your pessimism---isn't that a good match?
I did not say that I was talking about my own experience! By the way, optimism in excess, or pessimism for that matter, can get ridiculous, and we should realize that.
What about being on the other side of the river----haven't you committed the crime of pursuing someone unsuccessfully?
You know that I am too proud to do anything like that.
I'd say you are too proud to admit to anything like that.
What about you? I'm sure you have had unwanted quests as well as unrequited ones.
Let's move on to another case. Consider a mother who sends her drug addicted son to a rehabilitation center. Clearly, she has long-term welfare of her son in mind, but her act may not be appreciated by him. In the same vein, unappreciated suitors may believe that they can guarantee their targets' happiness forever.
What if the pursued suffers from itchiness all over body when s/he thinks about the unwanted suitor? What if the drug addicted son does not even want to think about drug-free life?
What if a child does not want to do her/his homework, and play outside instead?
What if parents push their children into carrier choices, marriages, etc. against their wishes with the righteousness that they had for homework?
All right, it looks like there is a gray zone, even in the domain of parental love.
Contrary to what most parents think, parental love is not unconditionally good for and beneficial to the children. The phrase, "Because I love you," should not be used by any party to force their will upon others. The other phrase, "If you love me," is blackmailing, plain and simple, if you ask me. And you must have guessed already---what constitutes a gray zone differs from person to person.
Perhaps we can say that our happiness should not be sought at the expense of others'? For example, the drug addicted son may be uncontrollably violent and harm innocent passers-by, when there is not enough drug in his bloodstream. If so, he should be cured of addiction.
What if your suitor sends you a suicidal note, because you are not interested in her/him?
I will have to sacrifice my happiness for that person's, or s/he for mine.
As I said earlier, it all boils down to understanding what the person of your interest wants. To love someone in a way that you see fit, but does not meet the other party's desires and needs, is an instance of selfish love. I don't even know if we should be using the word, love, in this case.
Hmmm... It looks like we cannot save the world with love of the loosely defined kind.
"The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge."
Bertie again!
You see, he agrees with me that, in order to understand something, we have to like it first, and that love is not a panacea.
Aren't we thrown back to the issue of compromise and a battle of personalities, though?
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