Do you tell a lie?
Sometimes. Is that bad?
It depends. There are all sorts of lies, better-than-truth ones, immoral ones ...
What do you think is a good lie?
Something like the one in the movie, "Good Bye Lenin!'' by Wolfgang Becker. The protagonist tells his mother that it is the East Germany which won the ideological war. She is an ardent supporter of the Socialist government and was in coma when the Berlin Wall fell. According to the doctor, she cannot bear any psychological shock.
After the fall of the wall, the son makes everything look GDRish for her.
A bad lie is when you take money from your mother's wallet without permission and plead innocence afterwards.
I assure you, all lies that I tell are good.
What if you disagree with your boss?
I don't lie by telling my boss that I agree with his/her opinion. I may make some dissenting remarks without making a big fuss about it.
What if your boss is talking with his rival and you know that it is your boss who is plain wrong?
I will try to take him/her aside and confer privately.
What if a conclusion has to be drawn without doing that?
I'm not sure where this is leading to.
My question is, would you defend your superior just because of the relationship with you?
I don't know...
My latest discovery is that loyalty and honesty cannot co-exist.
Your boss is lying or hiding a grave mistake and you know it. Would you expose that in front of your boss to his/her rival for the sake of honesty and justice, or would you go along with your boss to honor your loyalty to him/her? I suppose this is the question.
Yes, and I tend to go for the former, especially when there are boot-lickers around.
Oh, oh!
I know! It doesn't have to be that dramatic, though. When your boss learns that you stick to your principles, he/she can deduce that you are not going to be a reliable lieutenant in difficult situations.
We all pretend to value honesty, but not the variety that inconveniences us.
Exactly. If someone tells to your face everything that is wrong with you, you wouldn't be friends with that person, however true that assessment may be.
Again, it depends. I may react negatively at first, but appreciate it later.
I bet that could be the case if the unfavorable assessment came from your good friend. That means, he/she had to tell you all the nice things earlier. Otherwise, he/she wouldn't be your good friend.
How and when you say it matters, too.
We are so sensitive to negative evaluation of ourselves, but put together two people and it's a matter of seconds before they start bad-mouthing about someone they both know.
Often, that is the way they become good friends.
As a grown-up, I am having difficulty with all this. When I was a child, I was drummed into be honest and scrupulous. Bad-mouthing was also a no-no. I couldn't say anything negative about, let's say, my grandfather's favorite painter. Because it is something close to his heart and I was supposed to love my grandfather. I was expected to extend this principle to people whom I saw frequently or who were family members or friends.
Sounds tough.
It has become so. If you stick to your principles, it could cost your career. If you don't gossip with your co-workers about others who are not present, you are branded a bore. Or worse, they may think you are plotting something against them.
What can I say, except that everything should be in moderation?
Tell me, how can you be moderately scrupulous?
You let it go, here and there. Stop thinking on your own, and nod to whatever would save your skin.
My parents disciplined me too well. I can't think of any culture that teaches children to be dishonest. And yet, the majority of people learn to be selectively honest. Moreover, these people tell their kids to be honest without qualifications. I don't understand!
Let's me be honest and say you were unusually impressionable, naive, even stupid.
Or, terribly inflexible and devoid of political skills for survival.
Your choice!
Wait a minute... I think it is very much in parents' interest to keep children free of cheating and lying. It's a lot easier to deal with them when they are honest, and the parents have the power to dictate how they should behave.
Sounds Machiavellian.
Then we know it must be true.
Sometimes. Is that bad?
It depends. There are all sorts of lies, better-than-truth ones, immoral ones ...
What do you think is a good lie?
Something like the one in the movie, "Good Bye Lenin!'' by Wolfgang Becker. The protagonist tells his mother that it is the East Germany which won the ideological war. She is an ardent supporter of the Socialist government and was in coma when the Berlin Wall fell. According to the doctor, she cannot bear any psychological shock.
After the fall of the wall, the son makes everything look GDRish for her.
A bad lie is when you take money from your mother's wallet without permission and plead innocence afterwards.
I assure you, all lies that I tell are good.
What if you disagree with your boss?
I don't lie by telling my boss that I agree with his/her opinion. I may make some dissenting remarks without making a big fuss about it.
What if your boss is talking with his rival and you know that it is your boss who is plain wrong?
I will try to take him/her aside and confer privately.
What if a conclusion has to be drawn without doing that?
I'm not sure where this is leading to.
My question is, would you defend your superior just because of the relationship with you?
I don't know...
My latest discovery is that loyalty and honesty cannot co-exist.
Your boss is lying or hiding a grave mistake and you know it. Would you expose that in front of your boss to his/her rival for the sake of honesty and justice, or would you go along with your boss to honor your loyalty to him/her? I suppose this is the question.
Yes, and I tend to go for the former, especially when there are boot-lickers around.
Oh, oh!
I know! It doesn't have to be that dramatic, though. When your boss learns that you stick to your principles, he/she can deduce that you are not going to be a reliable lieutenant in difficult situations.
We all pretend to value honesty, but not the variety that inconveniences us.
Exactly. If someone tells to your face everything that is wrong with you, you wouldn't be friends with that person, however true that assessment may be.
Again, it depends. I may react negatively at first, but appreciate it later.
I bet that could be the case if the unfavorable assessment came from your good friend. That means, he/she had to tell you all the nice things earlier. Otherwise, he/she wouldn't be your good friend.
How and when you say it matters, too.
We are so sensitive to negative evaluation of ourselves, but put together two people and it's a matter of seconds before they start bad-mouthing about someone they both know.
Often, that is the way they become good friends.
As a grown-up, I am having difficulty with all this. When I was a child, I was drummed into be honest and scrupulous. Bad-mouthing was also a no-no. I couldn't say anything negative about, let's say, my grandfather's favorite painter. Because it is something close to his heart and I was supposed to love my grandfather. I was expected to extend this principle to people whom I saw frequently or who were family members or friends.
Sounds tough.
It has become so. If you stick to your principles, it could cost your career. If you don't gossip with your co-workers about others who are not present, you are branded a bore. Or worse, they may think you are plotting something against them.
What can I say, except that everything should be in moderation?
Tell me, how can you be moderately scrupulous?
You let it go, here and there. Stop thinking on your own, and nod to whatever would save your skin.
My parents disciplined me too well. I can't think of any culture that teaches children to be dishonest. And yet, the majority of people learn to be selectively honest. Moreover, these people tell their kids to be honest without qualifications. I don't understand!
Let's me be honest and say you were unusually impressionable, naive, even stupid.
Or, terribly inflexible and devoid of political skills for survival.
Your choice!
Wait a minute... I think it is very much in parents' interest to keep children free of cheating and lying. It's a lot easier to deal with them when they are honest, and the parents have the power to dictate how they should behave.
Sounds Machiavellian.
Then we know it must be true.
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